Life

I have written a post earlier on dying and death. But today I had to make a specific note. 

Life is so short. You begin to realise what that could mean, with all its complexity, only as you age. The human body is fragile, and cannot beat time. As you age, you grow weaker, lose the elasticity, lose your stamina, depend on medication, what not! 

However, the life that you have from the time you are born till death takes you away somewhere else, you have an excellent stay on Earth. 

When you acknowledge that, life seems to draw richness, meaningful, and an invaluable gift you want to live to its fullness. 

It becomes important to make connections, respect one another, take in the beauty of nature, bite into crumbs of food and savour the taste, forget the past, embrace yourself and love from within. 

Loss can be a painful experience and hardly shareable. What one's loss means is very unique and unexplainable to another. It is overwhelming to imagine how one derives the resources to cope with loss. Be it a broken relationship or a parted soul. However humans are resilient by nature. They thrive on reasons and perseverance. It is amazing what one can endure in one's lifetime. If only we value life when we see it, to its fullest, how different the world will be! Every living thing is such a purposeful addition to this planet. Their mere presence alters the experience one has. When life is that powerful why do we fail to acknowledge it? Where does one get the arrogance to stand on top of everything and focus just on self? 

I want to remind myself and you as well that love and relationships should be ok top of everything. I want to warn that if we fail to acknowledge and embrace life when we have an opportunity to, we may never get a second chance at it. Live life fully and respect one another with all your heart. 

At this point in time, as I write this, I feel very sad that I am away from a dear friend. I would have liked to be around her and share this moment and day of her life, standing shoulder to shoulder. 

This friend is such an inspiring person. Be it taking life head on, or braving up to face the adversities thrown at her, creating and sustaining relationships, navigating through the untrodden paths with courage and smile. She is such a unique person and I can only imagine the power she gained from her own family to be who she is. 

I am hopeful that your dad is so proud of you and will continue to shower his blessings on you and your family. He might be gone physically but he lives and shines through you and A. He has left a legacy in you and I am sure that you will surpass all his expectations and sublime heights of success and gain peace. 

Your composure has always inspired me, and my dear friend, you will continue to be as strong as you always have been, if not more. But be aware that if you need a shoulder to lean on, a mirror to stare at, a room to be quiet, or a wall to bang on - I am just a call away and always waiting to hear from you. Today and all through.  

Uncle we believe that you are happy wherever you are. I promise to make myself available to the precious women you have taken care of and participate in their journey of life. You will be missed. But we know you will shine through the stars and keep a tab on us all. 

Lots of love and prayers. 

WTH? IDK.

As I am going through this journey of learning I am slowly uncovering things about self, about learning, about people and life itself. While I have experienced it before, there are moments when I get pulled into existential questions: the mortal life keeps poking at me and makes me question the trivial nature of all human acts. I see there is a pessimistic undertone to what I just said. But I want to address it and stop tricking my mind that all is well. 

On one hand there is the mortal life pushing me towards living life to the fullest, giving your best to everything and every moment, and leaving a legacy. But on the other, I keep wondering for what? Why am I even doing things that are not going to last! What does the sacrifice going to amount to say a hundred years from now?! 

I try to talk myself into the greater good and affecting social change and putting systems in place and doing things right and what not. It places undue pressure on my self and I keep pushing my limits day in and day out. I go onto a guilt trip when I do mess up. I do the blame game of externally projecting cause for my shortcomings. I lose hope in larger vision and cause. The cycle turns upside down. From hope to pessimism. From empathy to apathy. From pride to guilt. From thirst to unpleasant abundance. 

The mind is truly a trickster. It can pull strings the way you let it to. It can make you look and feel like a rockstar and in the next moment a nobody. Self awareness lies at the heart of distinguishing the veil from the face. Of differentiating the mask from the mirror. 

I do not know where I am going with this. But all I can feel is a zillion neutrons firing in all crazy directions throwing tantrums in my brain. Threatening to aggravate the migraine and tempting to lower the severity if I was wise enough. 

Wanna be wise or alive?

Hmm! Meh! 

Sarangi

She is just so cute and adorable. Cannot take my eyes off her nor can I stop thinking about her.  I wonder how I managed to live all these years without her. In about 8 months she has changed my life altogether and altered my worldview 360🔄

I have been pondering much about the quality time we spend with each other with all the workload I have. I have not been able to document her growth and development. Not that I miss to enjoy them with all my senses; just I do not do enough to make memories that can be shared with her later. 

She is growing by the day and she has already lived through three distinct seasons. She has traveled to four different cities and three different nations in the first five months of her life. 

In terms of memories I can visualise every single one of them. But no photos to share with her.  I am glad that I am taking time to write this post as I am consciously frame my memories intact. 

I so want to make a head gear of autumn leaves and dress her up and take pictures every month in the same place and enjoy the milestones. 

Sometimes it feels really bad to put her through the struggles we has chosen to go through without her willingly joining our journey.  Making her wear clothes from thrift store is killing me on one hand. But in the other this frugal living that we follow could become a way of life if we remove the stigma around recycling. While the mind process about this lifestyle the heart cries at the jan ility to afford new clothes for the only child that we have. 

It's going to be so tough to ensure that my child gets a perfect life. I am trying to give my best and her father is the best in this world that she can get. I pacify myself with these blessings and let myself melt in her smiles. 

She is one happy kid and I am so glad that she makes us happy. I hope we provide her with the environment and living conditions that let's her cherish that joy in her and keep sharing it with others. 

Until next.