Mother Wife

Yeah. I too have become a mother. The child in me is quite amused by my decision to become a mother. But here I am with an infant in my arms and life has become beautiful once again. 

I wanted to have a baby because I thought that's how I will leave the love me and A share.  However random that may sound. 

Firsts she came out breaking all old wives tales of how I will have a boy.  So a double surprise on Jan 31. 

Second she made me realise that having her doesn't make me any less of a wife. In fact I have grown fonder towards A and as a fuel to the fire me being at mum's place and seeing him once a week is only drawing us closer. 

I still would like to prioritise my husband and not ignore him in the name of attending to baby. I have seen it happening with my parents as well as my fellow mommies cribbing about husbands. 

To me the essence of motherhood is a decision made by two and is to honour the bond the two share.  I  sure that there will be times when attending to baby might make me exhausted that Iau feet about lack if help from A bit I pray and tell myself that I should never forget why we chose to have a family.  And that family shouldn't throw the couple in us. 

This post is more a auto suggestion than a comment or critique.  I am sure the journey is going to be tough. But if I keep telling and reminding myself the real reason behind this I would be more aware and alert on how I deal with adversities and temporary obstacles. 

Cheers to motherhood and double cheers to wife-hood. 😊😁

Changes

A very profound question at this hour of the night. As such I am going through millions of emotions with my hormonal changes. And these late night musings I get is only disturbing than enlightening.  

I was just contemplating on permanence and presence or absence of people around me.  The idea of independence is so enticing for a young mind that loss doesn't seem to be affecting. Want to be free, on my own, away, love life on my own terms - all these phrases suddenly seem to be of no value whatsoever. 

Just because you know things are not permanent do you stop attaching yourself to them? Or do you take each moment and live it up that you would cherish these memories for ever?  How do you prepare yourself to deal with loss?  Can you even prepare like that? 

Crazy! These questions never cease to go off my head and have had some significant influence in the decisions I have made and will make in my life.  

Leaving now with this thought and question. Loss and impermanence - how do you deal with them? Oh mind, learn please. 

Mediocrity sucks!

Mediocrity.  Wherever I go, everything I see is mediocre.  Excellence looks like a thing of past.


The vegetable vendor has vegetables that are not real fresh, the service is average.  The customer care support, are not efficient.  They put you on hold for every query you have to clarify from some team of theirs; illustration: to know if a battery is available or not, you gotta wait for 30 minutes on phone! 

No, this is no blame game.  I include myself in this list of mediocrity.  When everyone is following the path of being mediocre, any cry about making it 'right' or doing the best is not considered at all.

A mediocre life sucks.  There is no motivation, there is no achievement, there is no satisfaction and it so damn boring.

Now I lead a life of a mediocre.  I do things somehow so that it is DONE.  There is no passion or joy in doing things.

I do not want to be a mediocre, anymore.  I want to do as many things as I can, in a way that is, as best as I could do.  I want to live my life to the fullest without any fear and inhibition.  I want to love unconditionally and let love flow to me, break-free.  I want to excel, in all the tasks I do and keep aspiring for excellence. 

I want to stop doing things for the heck of doing it.  I want to do things, only those, which I think I need to do.  Isn't that a nicer way to lead a life?  Comments?

Wedding!

It could become a

Roller coaster or

A cruise;

For now, I feel,

Getting married is

Awesome!

:)   

Attention!

I am doing a task with so much involvement.  There comes one flash.  All the focus is dispersed. I just cannot continue to focus on that task, forget completing it.  I tend to take up breaks at regular intervals to charge up my brain and continue with the task I was pursuing.

I wonder if this is the case with all adults in general or is it only with me.  I am just unable to keep at one task for a considerable amount of time, no matter if there is dearth of time, someone is waiting, it is of utmost urgency, whatever; if I need a break, I just need it!

I just can't understand what this is.  It is not that I do not care about completing it, but it is just that I am unable to focus on it any longer.  I take a break from it till I forget about it, then, I again jump on the task and do it much better.

Is there a clear explanation of this phenomenon?  Should I worry if it is good or bad?

I try to explain.  I think I just need that constant rush of blood for me to be awake and keep at a task.  If that rush is reduced, gone! I am sick of that task and I look of re-pumping my blood through some other activity.

That's how this blog came up.  I was bored of something I was doing.  Had to do something else.  Here it is.  A blog post.

Blood re-pumped.  Gotta catch up with the deadline. Bye!

It IS...

it is tough to,

be a beginner with humility,
zip your mouth forcibly,


it is a pain when,

past haunts current appraisals,
emotion overpowers rationality,irrationally (!),


it is injustice to,

be a man of double nature,
generalise an event to a life,


it takes courage to,

own responsibility during failure,
say 'No' when need be,
let others develop through you,
stand up for yourself,


it is wise to,

be your own Master,
persuade /justify to only one's own Conscience...
(nothing less, nothing more!)


it is human to,

respect a fellow being for one's own sake,
err, learn and apply in future.

I have answers!

For all the pointing fingers,
for all the blames,
for all the regrets,
for all the hard work,

for all the loss,
for all the sacrifice,
for all the pain,
for all the indifference,

sooner or later,
i will present the answers!
(not to be read as "PROUD")

I will present 'em,
'cause,
in me,
I trust!

Reflections during Vacation 2010!

1. My mood does not change, unless I want it to change.
2. Nothing can get worse, until 'I' expect the worst!
3. Every problem does have solution(s). Various factors affect the type of solution I derive for that problem: my mood, what and how I expect the problem to be resolved, to a certain extent, my wit as well! What I mean is, everyone does find a solution! How applicable is my solution to my situation, I need wit to resolve that! (I use wit to imply intelligence, knowledge, wisdom, and all such words!)
4. At 25, I can still be wondering, what the heck I want out of my life?!
5. When I really want to do a task, I will do it! When I don't want to do a task, no matter how many ever opportunities are given to me for its completion, I will not do it! (Well, I want to emphasize the latter point!!)
6. When I write 'my' reflection, I should use 'I' instead of 'you/your'. (Yes!, I changed all you/your to I/my, from 1 to 5 after I wrote 6!!!)
7. If I don't want to take responsibility, I will not. This is different from 5 because, this is at the cognitive/affective domain level while doing is at the behavioural level.
8. I should take a break, when I feel like. Culmination of the want to take a break, sticks me out and it takes almost half the break-time to stick out that stickiness!
9. Conveying my love to my far-off love is lovely! But, at times, loving and not conveying all of it is bliss! (ooh! A tough one for the first person language! ;) )
10. Becoming friends with a 1.5 yr old is awesome! :D And, the 1.5 yr old can teach you to love, like none! (This is no stats! Just that I am friends with my nephew who is 1.5 yrs old!)
11. Using shorter sentences conveys sweet messages. (I wrote all of them, over and over, again and again to be shorter!!!!)
12. After a point, writing in brief, becomes a habit!
13. Plan the vacation well-ahead for a well-spent vacation. Else, have common sense to follow time's stride and make it favourable for the self!
14. Set the automatic vacation responder! Prevents guilt of indifference-to-emails. Note: Write/Articulate the response so that the receiver understands the reason for it to be on!


Will continue, if any!

PS: Proof reading is a must before publishing (does that tell how updated this reflection note is?!)

The People Pleaser!

How difficult it is to please everyone! At many a time I thought I should try to be ‘nice’ to people around me. I try to do stuff so that I ‘look’ nice to them. However, not many times I am able to do it.

When I break away from my ‘looks’ I get dirty looks back! :( That is fine!

I have grown now to think a lot of about my life and my future plans. Accommodating all pals around is simply becoming impossible. At times it breaks their heart. But I am just not able to help it. I try not to cause it. It happened twice in a row, now. But yeah! I am in a phase where I should set my priorities right!

I also realise that if someone cannot understand the position I am in, and expect only me to be accommodative, it is really not gonna work!

From being a people pleaser, now I have started to stand up for my own needs. I speak that most difficult word, ‘No!’. I say no just because I am seriously not able to. It feels good, when I am able to say a No when I want to!

Stopped being a people pleaser. Lets check out how many people are pleased with this ME! :)